5 Techniques for Mindful Parenting

5 Techniques for Mindful Parenting

I have only recently begun supping at the mindfulness table and it has been transformative.  It’s a process that involves some rewiring of the brain but with amazing results.

Being mindful is to be fully present in this moment, seeing it for what it is as opposed to the mind’s interpretation of what it is, as a distorted fragment of time formed from a previous experience.  When we are not being mindful, we are on auto-pilot;  a state that allows our minds to wander and conjure up images of a non-existent future or to dwell in a past that no longer has relevance.

My mind had gotten lost in a labyrinth of’what-ifs’ and impossible standards with an overarching need to control everything and this frame of mind is not conducive to effective, or even good, parenting.

As parents, the most precious gift we can give our children is the best version of ourselves and we can only do this by being fully present in our moments with them.  We can, however, only give our children what we have so it’s important that we give kindly and fundamentally to ourselves first.

It is only by being aware of our own deepest needs, and by silencing the auto-pilot mind processes and emotions that we are able to begin parenting in a truly mindful way.

5 Techniques for Mindful Parenting

1. Be present in the moment:  This is the starting-point, really.  Once the mind is silenced and we can focus entirely on the present moment, we begin to notice things and align ourselves with the present.  Focus wholly on this moment with your child:  what they are saying, body language, facial expression, tone.  When our minds wander our body and mind are not in sync as they are experiencing different things…the body is in the now but the mind is either in the past or the unknown future.  We must master this for ourselves first and then model this presence to our children.  They are little for such a short time and by being totally present we get to savour every moment spent with them.
2. Let go of unrealistic expectations:  Children should be seen and heard for who they are now and not what we, as parents, envisage for and of them in the future.  By being more mindful of our own thoughts and emotions we are better placed to recognise what we feel is missing from our own  lives:  goals not reached,  dreams not realised and needs not met so that we don’t project these on to our children.  Our children are not us and we need to remove our burdens from them so that we can motivate and inspire them with kindness, understanding and compassion for the individuals they are.
3. Be aware of your stress and emotions:  As parents, we are often tired, stressed out and running from pillar to post.  There is a definite disconnect between the mind and the body…the body is stuck in the now, attending to all the mundane, everyday tasks whilst our minds are usually focused on the list of things (groceries, appointments, play dates, meetings) that still need to be done.  This disconnect can make us anxious and stressed and totally out of touch with the present and the children.  By bringing ourselves back into the moment we can acknowledge the emotions and manage the stress.  This self-management models emotional intelligence to our children,  teaches them how to handle life in a healthy way and allows us to parent from a healthy and compassionate place.  The best version of ourselves becomes the parent and not the detached, stressed-out version.
4. Be kind to yourself:  We have to become our own best friends, we have to treat ourselves with love, respect and kindness and let these feelings flow naturally when we are with our children.  Holding on to self-doubt, self-loathing and judgements about ourselves can close off our ability to extend these to our children as we cannot give that which we do not possess ourselves.  This goes back to ‘letting go of unrealistic expectations’.  Life  happens, whether we’ve planned for it or not.  We need to learn to go with the flow sometimes…prepare for the things we can control and don’t worry about the things we cannot change.
5. You are good enough:  We set high expectations for ourselves and would love to be perfect parents.  Everyone has a blue-print of what perfection is and what it looks like.  We need to release the idea that we are not good enough as parents.  There’s a saying:

Life is all about the imperfections.  Failures and imperfections are part of life and we need to be authentic with our children about the realities of life’s bumps in a controlled and sensitive manner.

Mindful parenting  is a precious gift we can give to ourselves and our children.  Precious moments become precious memories!  There is no wrong or right way to be a mindful parent.  If you can practice paying attention to the moments you’re spending with your children and looking at that moment with kindness and compassion, well, I think that’s a great start!