The Tale of the Longsnoutians

The Tale of the Longsnoutians

The villagers of Longsnout had been gathering since early morn.  Men, with their rolled-up sleeves, carrying bales of hay, comely women wearing frilly aprons, pockets bursting with sugar lumps and the children, oh the children were adorable, all dressed up in their horsey-best complete with jodhpurs, velvety helmets and sacksful of freshly-harvested red apples.

The Great Black Stallion, affectionately known as the Great BS, was due to arrive soon and the nervous excitement of the villagers was mounting.  Everyone was crowded around the entrance to the village stable where all homage would be paid, overseen by our very own holyman, Iride Equinus;  a short, stout figure with a barrel of a belly and a booming voice.  Iride put his thumbs behind the straps of his braces, pulled forward and snapped them back to his chest, like a whip-crack.

As if summoned, the Great BS, an odd-toed ungulate with slender legs, a long head and black, wispy mane trotted gracefully into the midst of our collective awe, reared himself up on his hind legs and let out an almighty whinny.

“All hail the Great Black Stallion!”, cried Iride Equinus with due pomp.  “Bring forth the Accused!”.

The crowd began to heave and jostle as villagers vied for a better view of the man being brought before the Great BS.

“Your Equinusness,” implored Iride, “this man has been brought before you, accused of bare-back riding.”

Shocked gasps rose up from the crowd.  Bare-back riding was considered one of the 5 cardinal sins, right up there with owning a riding crop and wearing chaps.

The Great BS would determine the man’s fate.  Only a good, solid kick from the hind legs of our deity would secure the man’s pardon.